Not so much to say today, just that the greeting went well this afternoon. Almost ironically, I was nervous beforehand – not as nervous as I probably would have been three months ago, I might add. I say ‘ironically’ because I knew full well that this was a role I had chosen to take on. I could have continued in the fellowship without a commitment; some people wait a year before they take meeting duties on. The reason I put my hand up to volunteer last week is that it seemed the right thing for me to do. It was definitely one of those moments when taking action just seemed right. I only have to greet at the Sunday meeting every other week, meaning I can continue with the voluntary work on the alternate weeks. My first sponsor suggested to me that greeting would be the best role for me, because it would take me out of my comfort zone by forcing me to be sociable on a regular basis. When he first said that all those months ago, part of me was like: ‘As if I would ever want to be a greeter!’ Now look at me! When I got there this afternoon I weirdly felt like an AA veteran, as I was able to recognise pretty much everyone walking into the room. I said “hi” to them all and kept a smile on my face, even though those nerves never quite went away.
The nerves came entirely from that old fear of responsibility, which also makes me nervous every time I head out for a shift with the charity that I volunteer for. This very old fear tells me that I can’t do it, and that asking for help with anything will make me look stupid. The great thing about greeting is that it’s not very difficult, so I didn’t end up having to ask for help this afternoon. And as I said, the nerves weren’t quite as powerful as they might have been, which is I guess good news.
The meeting began at 4 and once inside I sat down surrounded by friends. The main chair’s story was good to hear; as always I was able to empathize sincerely. He talked about AA being the best thing that had ever happened to him, as it was somewhere he could truly fit in for the first time. I knew what he was talking about. In AA everyone is the same – I’ve probably said it before, but the similarities between us far outweigh the differences. The life circumstances and backgrounds change, but the feelings don’t. I would like to have shared today, but for some reason I couldn’t think of what to say. Perhaps just getting successfully through my first ever greeting ‘shift’ was enough for today. After the meeting I resisted the urge once again to go for coffee, which was pleasing. I definitely think that I was doing coffee too much before. Once or twice a week is enough – I don’t want tagging along to the coffee shop at every opportunity to become another addiction.