4 months, 21 days / my birthday

As predicted, today turned out to be pretty normal, as birthdays go. I’ve done a few things; earlier I had my hair cut and dyed, which was nice, and then this evening I went to that meeting which I didn’t use to like but now quite enjoy. When I first went back in the summer hardly anyone would turn up to it, but now it gets quite busy, and the tone of the sharing is generally a lot more positive than it used to be. Today I was sat next to D, the newcomer who I am going on a ‘date’ with next week; it was his birthday today too, and I began to feel a real bond between us. I think we’re going to get on very well together, whatever happens next week.

I’m really looking forward to the date, just because I’ve never been on one before. It will be interesting to see how I cope. Occasionally I catch myself feeling co-dependent, worrying that he hasn’t texted me for a while, or that we’re not seeing enough of each other; but it’s not so much of a problem as it would have been a few years ago. I can say to myself now that I’ve only known him a week, and then I go back to feeling normal about the situation. Obviously, because he’s asked me out on a date I can’t treat him the same way I treat everyone else in AA – as just a friend – and as things progress I might start to feel increasingly like I am walking a tightrope in this relationship. But for now, I’m keeping a lid on the co-dependency, asking my higher power for the way forward rather than relying on my own judgement.

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