5 months, 14 days

I won’t say much tonight, as I have to be up early in the morning for my flight to Edinburgh. I think I’m back to normal today, in terms of my feelings. I attended a lovely meeting this evening which I’d not been to in a while, and there weren’t many people there; so it felt quite cosy, like quiet meetings often do, and I was able to share comfortably about the anxiety I had experienced in the week. Afterwards a couple of us went for coffee, and I had a good time, chatting one-to-one with someone who I don’t normally socialise with.

On my way home I felt the positivity of the program, for the first time since Tuesday. Once again I really believed that everything was all right; I still believe that right now. My life is better right now than it ever was. I have friends inside and outside the fellowship, I can socialise without alcohol, I can feel comfortable coming home at reasonably early times, and I can go on holiday to Edinburgh. A few short years ago I dreamed of living this life, where I had friends who wanted to go on holiday with me.

We’re flying from Heathrow in the morning. As a child I once visited Heathrow with an aunt for the day, just to see the planes taking off, and even then I didn’t believe I’d ever go on one of those planes. Tomorrow, I will be living my dream. The fellowship hasn’t made this holiday possible, it’s simply come about as the result of favourable circumstances and my decision to spend New Year away from London again. But thanks to the fellowship, this holiday will probably be a million times better than my last visit to Edinburgh. I’m not going to drink this weekend, I’m just going to go out and have lots of fun with my two closest friends in the world. I couldn’t ask for more. I’m very aware of the fact that this is a daily program and tomorrow I may wake up feeling off again for some reason. I’m still in early recovery and there will always be days like yesterday when I’m not so happy. But that doesn’t matter tonight. All that matters is that I’m happy right now. We can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

P.S: I’m unlikely to have the opportunity to write anything whilst I’m in Edinburgh, so this will probably be my last blog entry until next Wednesday, when I’m back in London. I wish everyone a happy new year, and I look forward to regaling all my readers with tales of Hogmanay!

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