It’s a late post tonight because I have been out socialising with AA. After the step meeting this evening we all went for coffee and I have to say I really enjoyed it, for the first time in weeks. So much so I ended up staying out til 11pm! More about that later. The meeting itself was good. I was responsible for making tea again, and it would have been absolutely fine, had the receptionist in the building where the meeting was being held not stopped me from going in until fifteen minutes before the start. Every week another AA meeting is held there just before our one, and apparently they’ve complained about us coming in the minute they finish every week. I was shocked to say the least, because we’ve been going in the minute they finish every week for months. Why wait until now to complain? Anyway, this meant that I had to walk around central London for fifteen minutes with the tea and biscuits that I’d just bought. When I could finally go back in I was convinced I’d be in trouble with the meeting for making tea late, but no one blamed me. Everyone thought it very odd that the previous meeting had complained about us for a seemingly pointless reason.
I quickly prepared the tea and it was fine in the end. In the meeting I shared about my fears regarding the commitments that I’ve recently been given; I also talked about my resentment against my sponsor; it was good to get that stuff off my chest. I realised as I was speaking that I have no reason to change sponsors. Yes, he is busy a lot of the time, but so am I, and the reason we won’t be able to meet next weekend to get on with step 5 is because I’ve decided to go for lunch with non-AA friends. I can’t blame my sponsor when stuff like that happens, it’s my fault for not planning my life better.
I don’t know when we’ll get on with step 5, but I look forward to it. Tonight’s meeting was focused on step 5, and it was good to hear everyone’s take on it. I definitely know that I need to do it now. Not that there’s anything major in my past that’s weighing down on me heavily, but until I’ve got absolutely everything out in the open, I can’t truly be myself.
Coffee after the meeting was, as I said, lots of fun. At first I thought it would be really awkward as usual, with me sitting at the end of the table while everyone else chattered away opposite me. Luckily C decided to get into a long conversation with me across the table about stuff and life in general; we ended up talking non-stop for an hour. Nothing like that has happened to me before! It shocked me especially because it was C, someone I’ve had a major resentment against in the past.
We talked about our similarities, of which there appear to be many. All the same things scare us in AA, such as commitments and talking to people and dealing with life. We briefly chatted about stuff we’d like to do in sobriety that we’ve never done before; I mentioned that I want to go to the theatre more, and he suggested that we go and see Chicago together in the West End some time. I was flattered to be asked! That would be wonderful, to go and see a show with a friend. Someone else wants to go and see Mamma Mia soon, too. As I was talking to C tonight I felt that I was with a kindred spirit, and that was wonderful. It’s very rare for me to feel that with anybody.
Earlier on today I was back at Uni for the first lecture of the New Year. It was on an interesting subject, Abnormal Psychology; sadly the lecturer responsible for heading it had the worst lecturing style imaginable. He kept looking at the ceiling whilst talking, and he didn’t project his voice very well, meaning that we missed half of what he was saying. He also had a tendency to waffle, which resulted in a two hour lecture turning into three and a half hours. By the end of it we were all thoroughly drained. Luckily he won’t be lecturing us again for the next five weeks.