7 months, 1 day

It’s a bit late so I don’t want to write much, as I’m tired and the noise of the computer tends to keep my mum up next door.

I had a great day. I went to the meeting earlier in West London that I once hated, and shared about what happened on Thursday. It was painfully embarrassing to talk about but I got it all out, as I knew I needed to. I pretty much repeated the most important stuff that I’d written on here last night. I said that I knew exactly why T managed to have such a powerful effect on me at the Valentine’s party: because he rejected me just like my father and the boys at school rejected me. All this awkwardness that I have around sex and relationships, it all comes back to my father and the bullying that I experienced at school. My life feels very circular at the moment. The older I get in sobriety, the closer I get to what happened in the past.

I’ve done all the right things today, for which I’m grateful. I was really nervous about sharing again but I managed to say what needed to be said; I went to coffee afterwards, socialised and talked through my problems a bit more with friends. Everyone could empathize with me, which was nice. I looked after my recovery today, and I will continue to do so when I visit my sponsor’s house tomorrow to continue with step 5.

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