I’m having a great weekend. I have just been on a fabulous date. Having opened up my mind to the possibility of meeting people without instantly getting into clingy, co-dependent relationships, I feel freer to enjoy myself. The guy I met today was gorgeous, intelligent and easy to talk to, and we shared a great kiss at the end of the evening. Every now and then I feel the old co-dependent feelings coming up, worried that he won’t text or call any more because he’s suddenly lost interest. It’s like this with everyone I meet, it’s just the way I am, but I find it easier to detach from those feelings after a while now.
Ever since I finished step 5 with my sponsor, everything’s been generally better for me. I’m finally starting to believe that I might have a good life ahead of me. I feel less anxious and more confident in my own skin than I ever did before. It’s been a great few months for me, really. I’ve had a drag night out; I’ve been on holiday twice, once on my own, and had a fabulous time. I’ve met lots of people, shared loads in meetings, faced new challenges and now I am finally doing things that I’ve always wanted to do. I can’t complain about my life today, though of course there are imperfections. There always are, and I can deal with them. I feel this has all come from doing the steps. Last year I wouldn’t have had the courage to do a lot of the things that I’m doing now. The best thing is being able to walk down the street with my head held high. I like being myself, for the first time. I don’t get nervous in nearly as many situations today as I always did before. This is happy, joyous serenity. THe anxiety will come back, I know it will because my moods change like the weather. But everything’s OK, and it probably always will be, no matter what happens to me. How great is that?