I have just had a conversation with Steve. And he’s not sure he wants to meet up again, because he doesn’t think we’re sexually compatible. Which is fair enough – I still have issues around sex, and most guys don’t want to wait around for guys like me to get comfortable with it. Why should they? So here I am, alone again, unsure whether I will ever be able to enjoy a normal, healthy relationship with another man. The same thing has happened to me over and over again during the past seven years. I meet someone, I like them, and they like me but I can’t perform in bed so it all goes to shit and fizzles out before anything real has had a chance to develop. Right now I’m in pain, even though I thought I had worked through these issues. In fact I was sure I’d worked through them – I was positive up til a day ago that I didn’t need a man to complete me and that I had finally learnt how to be objective and unemotional about sex. I was wrong. Myco-dependency has come up again big time, and I’m getting the old urge to isolate, to hide in my room and avoid the world. I’m supposed to go to my old home group tomorrow and do the literature again, but I don’t want to; I feel like giving up on the program and on everything else because it all seems so pointless right now. I’m struggling to see the good in life, the progress I’m supposed to have made. It all feels like a fucking waste of time.