Friday 9th May

Somehow something miraculous at work has happened this week. R got me involved in the discussion about updating our system, and I got to talk to S, the scary new head of product development for the first time. I was able to offer my ideas and, for the very first time, I felt listened to. They appreciated my input and I’m going to be in a meeting with S next week to discuss things further. It’s just unbelievable.

What I hate is the feeling that I don’t know what I’m saying – whenever I have to talk to important people in the company like that, I trip over my words and forget things. It’s always been the same. S seemed to follow what I was saying today, and he liked my ideas, but I can’t know if I’ll be as eloquent next Thursday when we meet again. Which is why I’m going to be writing it all down and bringing a print out of the main points with me. This is a person who has a lot of influence on changing things for the better – I have to get it right.

Yesterday I had to visit the doctor briefly to request a repeat prescription for 40MG citalopram. Although the stronger dose seemed to be having some shaky side effects earlier in the week, I think it’s doing its job pretty well now. I was predictably concerned about going to the doctor today – I wasn’t quite sure how one should go about requesting a repeat prescription there, as I had never done it there before, and I couldn’t help fretting over the possibility of coming away without what I wanted. When I got there of course it was a perfectly simple process, I just had to fill out a small form and had it in at reception. I should be going back on Monday to collect the new prescription.

All my life the things I’ve feared have never turned out to be that bad. I can’t think of a single occasion when the fear I’ve experienced has turned out to be justified. Nothing is ever that bad. It really isn’t.

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