Tuesday 12th May

I’m still wavering about the future. So much of me just wants to move here and become a manager. I’d always be busy and I’d never feel bored at work again, like I was back at head office. It’s such a pity that they don’t have English AA meetings here. I’ve thought so much about this the past few days and this is the deal breaker for me. Without AA I wouldn’t have a full life here. I was doing so well with the meetings back home before I came here, and I’d miss them so much.

What’s certain is things have to change soon. I have to sit down and have an honest conversation with my boss. I can’t keep my feelings a secret any more – it’s not fair on me. I’ve not 100% decided whether I’ll be handing my notice in or asking to transfer here. Today I’m leaning towards the former. I can leave and move to France, fulfil a lifelong dream. I have to do it soon because I’ve already spent too long pretending to like my current situation. That’s too much lying. Every new day I have to wake up and go into work lying is another day of spiritual bankruptcy as far as I’m concerned.

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