Wednesday 12th August

I quit my job today! I’m so happy! The bonus arrived unexpectedly in my bank account at 10pm last night, two hours earlier than it should have. The moment it arrived, I was free. My life has literally changed today. At 8am today I went into work prepared to quit. I had drafted a resignation letter last night and e-mailed it to myself; when I got into the office I printed it and asked my boss for a catch up a few minutes later. We went into a room, and I launched straight into the announcement I had been dying to make for months. To her credit, my boss took it really well. I’d been expecting her to be annoyed, or to say that I couldn’t leave yet because I had some obligations still to be met. The only obligation I have is to work thirty days notice; I’ve voluntarily extended that to the end of September because I want to finish the projects I recently started.

I’ll walk out of this job with my head held high. I just can’t believe it’s finally over! As soon as I’d spoken to my boss this morning, a weight was literally lifted from my shoulders. No more lying; no more pretending to want to be there.

My plans for the next six months are pretty much crystallized, but I can’t decide on Australia. I’d really like to go – but it costs such a lot of money. I have the money now, but do I want to spend that much of the bonus straight away?

I came close to booking the holiday this afternoon; I would have gone on the 5th October for two weeks. I stopped myself because the need to spend a few months in France has been much stronger for much longer, and I’ll want as much spending money out there as I can get. I think I’ve decided that I will go to France for three months, assess my financial situation in the new year and then decide. That feels like the most sensible thing to do. I strongly feel like I need to be responsible with this money. I’ve got it for a reason – my higher power’s given me this gift – I’m perfectly capable of being wise with it, so I plan to be.

Oh god, I’m actually going to get to live my dream! I’m not worried that by next year I’ll have spent most of the money and I’ll have to come back here and get another job. I know that the money will have been spent properly, and I know I won’t just be coming back to the same old drudgery. I’ll get to choose my new job, as well as the place where I live permanently. I will be in complete control of my destiny.

I’m free today, and the feeling I’m starting to get is that I am back in 2007, when I last freed myself from something that was restricting my choices in life (alcohol). Those were the best years of my life so far, and I sense more best years coming on. For a long time I’ve felt that I fell out with AA due to my job. When I got this job it quickly started eating into my time and so much of my energy in the past six years has been taken up with it. It’s opened up a new world to me and in my core, I couldn’t be part of that world and stay fully in AA at the same time. Subconsciously I think that I had to choose. I chose work, and I grew to hate it as a result.

Now I don’t have to choose any more. From the 1st October I’ll be free to go to as many meetings as I like again. While I’ve been so consumed with the job this year I have really struggled to dedicate any energy to AA, and it’s shown. For the past few weeks I’ve not consciously avoided AA, but I haven’t been going because I think deep down I knew I couldn’t do it properly again until the job was behind me. Well, as much as I’ve loathed AA at times in recent years there is still miraculously a part of me that wants to be in it. I look forward to returning to the fold soon; I look forward to exploring meetings in France!

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