Funny old week

Funny times we’re living through, aren’t they. With no work on Friday and no reason to be up especially early, I could stay up for as long as I wanted on Thursday night. As soon as the exit poll was announced, predicting the most unexpected of election outcomes – a hung parliament – I was too excited to contemplate sleep for any time in the near future. Along with I expect half the country, I watched the drama unfold as the bubble of Tory arrogance was slowly burst. By Friday morning it felt like the raging injustice of the past year was gone. Against all odds, the British public had said “no” to the complacent Tories’ program for years more of austerity, and a non-committal “maybe” to Labour’s vision for hope. It’s looking like we won’t get the horrendous “hard” Brexit the prospect of which the right so relished up until Friday. The clouds had begun to clear; I could feel some restored faith in our electoral process.

An outright Labour win would have been better, but this is the British public we’re talking about. We are not known for our eagerness to embrace radical change. I will take the result that we got. How P is taking it, I might never know. There have been no emails, no texts since Thursday. I couldn’t resist briefly logging into facebook on Friday to see if he’d posted anything; nothing. Like all Tories this weekend I suppose he’s upset, but determined to hang onto the notion that they still govern, despite all the evidence suggesting why they can’t. Even now we are hearing in the news from senior Conservatives who believe this isn’t the end of the road, surely now we must all get behind our government because they happened to win the most seats in parliament. The denial is strong. There is no taking into account the idea that perception is more important than the number of MPs you have.

With no communication in three days, I can assume P is annoyed with me. I don’t know whether to feel guilty about the way I’ve left things with him. I don’t feel anything at the moment, apart from perhaps some relief. Politics may have been the big issue that came between us in the end, but it was undeniably about far more than that. The inauthentic, head-in-the-sand, “I’m always right even when I’m wrong” attitude, which makes him fit so well with the Tories, probably did for him a long time ago. The only reasons I can think of for feeling bad about telling him the truth are:

  1. I did it by email
  2. Society says we’re supposed to respect view points that differ to ours

These are society rules: they are not beliefs that I genuinely hold in my core. Therefore I don’t feel guilty, yet.

The election was all anyone could talk about in counselling class yesterday. It was nice to spend a day with people who all agreed with me; it’s been so long since I experienced common values with anyone in my personal life. I’ve been invited to interview for the diploma course in three weeks’ time, along with many of my classmates. The interview will be the same arduous series of tasks that we had in December for the certificate course. I’m not looking forward to it, but at least I’ll be prepared for it this time. It will be good to see people there that I’ve come to know and like as well.

I’ve excelled at the social side of things in AA meetings this weekend. The good feeling from the election has carried through to the extra effort I’ve been able to make with people I don’t always see. I’ve said it a lot in the last two years, but it still feels wonderful to be doing this well in AA again after the break I had, and I can’t take it for granted. As I approach my tenth sober anniversary I seem to have discovered a mature approach to meetings that actually serves me. As well as fellowship I’m only too happy to do service where I can, an attitude I could scarcely fathom five years ago. I have the two home groups now that anchor me in the week, two meetings where I generally feel secure in my seat. A third would always be nice; the search for the third continues.

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